"An easy way to sound like a creep is to add the word ‘ladies’ to the end of things you say. It can be harmless too, but it just makes you a creep. ‘Yeah after college I spent two years in the peace corps, ladies?’ The more harmless it is, the more of a creep you become. ‘I broke my arm. I need help, ladies?’" — Demetri Martin
15 notes
posted 3 days ago
“On Thursday I changed the names of all my fish. And they didn’t seem to mind… Especially Dead Tony.”
Demetri Martin - Fifth Person
(Source: comedians.jokes.com)
9 notes
posted 4 days ago
"I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like, ‘Hey, there’s an asshole.’ But when you’re in the woods you’re like, ‘Is there an asshole out here?’ They look like trees." — Demetri Martin
42 notes
posted 4 days ago
“My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, youre stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.”
Happy Birthday Demetri Martin!
9 notes
posted 4 days ago
“You have to sense your crowd and tailor your act accordingly. Over time I found my stage legs. At the beginning, I started more from a writer perspective. But I have moved more comfortably into being a performer of comedy. And what you put out there is what you get back.”
- Demetri Martin
15 notes
posted 2 months ago
